Thursday, December 9, 2010

Gagg central

I haven’t been doing too much in game recently. Certainly not enough to write about. So this blog today has been fuelled by a conversation I had a work today about a subject very dear to my heart. Practical jokes! I love ‘em. I love carrying them out, I love being the butt of the joke. I just think they’re fun. So, I’ve compiled a short list of my fave practical jokes that I have heard about, instigated, or been the butt of. I’ve cited the source for each which of course may not be the originator of the idea, but it is where I first heard about them.

1. This one I was part of when I was a fresh faced nooby officer. As part of the initial training you have to visit a morgue to witness an autopsy. Not the most pleasant of things I’ll admit. I was a little nervous but had decided to show dedication and arrive early to receive whatever instruction from the Coroner. I was met by one of his assistants, who very quickly recruited me in a scheme to scare the other officers who were obviously not early like myself. I was instructed to lie on one of the large fridge gurneys, covered with a white sheet and then slid in to the fridge. The idea was that when the other officers came, they would open the door, slide me out and I would sit up to scare the other officers. It sounded a little weird and sick, but it was a practical joke and I’m a sucker for those. So as they slid me in to the morgue fridge I realised that even though each gurney was accessed by its own door, the fridge inside was actually totally open. It was a little scary being surrounded by dead bodies but I couldn’t stop giggling at the joke I was about to play. That is until the body next to me leant over and said “Ohh, it’s cold in here”. I jumped up smacked my head on the base of the gurney above me and was absolutely terrified. Yup I’d been the butt of the joke all along.
Source: Crazy coroners assistant.

2. I witnessed this one when I was a young ‘un. One of my friends who was at University had been staying in the same student digs for a couple of years and was due to move out at the end of that term. I turned up for a weekend of drinking and fun and when I arrived, their housemate was mixing a big bowl of unknown urine coloured liquid. Obviously I enquired what the hell was going on and why was the weirdo lass mixing a bowl of piss? It turned out to not be what I thought and actually was a mix of something else and lemon juice. Why?, well in a flash of genius this lass (who had been studying ancient languages or something of that ilk) had decided to fill the walls of the house interior completely with sinister latin text and diagrams with her lemon juice mix. It was all stuff about ancient burial grounds, curses, pentagrams..that kind of thing. No one knew what happened and it’s the type of practical joke you don’t really get to see the result of, but your imagination takes care of that. Imagine what happened the first time the new students who had moved in lit a back light, put a fish tank in, or really any type of neon/ultraviolet light in that room. Fun stuff!
Source: Crazy ancient languages student..still don’t know her name.

3. This is an office practical joke and I have never personally seen it done for real, but I like it and I really reckon it could work with enough dedication. It is based on the idea that you can train things by using distinctive sounds. We already know it works on dogs, monkeys etc, so why not humans? Basically what you do is this. Ensure your computer has speakers and that the person(s) you wish to pick on are nearby. Everyone who works at a computer will be familiar with the Windows basic sounds used so open the sounds tab in the control panel and find one you like that is distinctive and easily recognisable. Then every so often, play this sound. I would have thought a couple of times a day, three times max would be sufficient. Immediately follow this by offering a mint to your prey (or sweet or whatever you know they like). Do this for a few weeks, the longer the better depending on how patient you are. At worst they will think that you think they have bad breath. Once you have done it enough (use your judgement here) play with the sound as often as you like and watch them salivate and hold their hand out in expectation without even knowing what they are doing.
Source: The American Office, TV comedy show

4. The final one comes from Everquest2. Of course there had to be an EQ2 one in here. When druid portals first came about, if you can recall each and every one had a specific location, and not the ‘drop down list’ that you get today. In addition to this if you clicked on the portal, it did not ask you if you wished to take the port, it just ported you. Now add in the fact that back then world travel was much more difficult and there were no ‘worldwide portals’. So, my wife Emarald, Drood extraordinaire started this craze as far as I am aware. I never heard of it done before she did it. So, she would lie in wait next to a broker, say in East Freeport, wait until a sufficient number of folks surrounded the broker, then she would pop up a portal to somewhere extremely distant right in front of the broker, and bingo! Folks would disappear in droves. It never happened to me, but I saw her do it plenty of times. Imagine the chagrin of the folks who suddenly found themselves sat in Steamfont. Fun fun fun!
Source: My wife, Emarald Green

Be well.


  1. Hehe, that druid port one is a classic. Shame it wouldn't work anymore!

  2. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!